Dealing with Fear

This week I have officially entered into my third, and final, trimester.  I feel like the time has flown!  I've been told that the feeling of swiftness will end when I'm the size of a house and miserable, but right now I'm really enjoying where I am.  Pregnancy is such an amazing process, and it seems with all of the joys to be discovered, there are many lows.  Although my pregnancy has been pretty easy physically, I've found that there have been many difficulties emotionally.  Fear is the major four letter word during my pregnancy (you may have others). 

It's amazing the difference you find when you "step" into the world of pregnancy.  Almost instantly, people begin to relate to you differently.  Some look at you like you are the cutest thing since dressing dogs up in costumes, and others can't even bring themselves to look at you at all.  Some people want to know every single detail of your exciting (and somewhat disturbing) experience, and others will never acknowledge the fact that you've basically swallowed a basketball and have a tiny human in your belly.  In fact, no one prepared me for the reactions I would experience by becoming pregnant.  They don't add that to your "what to expect" books.  I've even had some educators tell me that my career will be less successful now.  Hey!! What happened to the whole "babies are a miracle and bring tons of joy and happiness (and let me not forget cuteness) into this world?"  In my initial naivety and ignorance, I was completely wrong in assuming that everyone would just be happy for us. 

In addition to what people think, there are plenty of other things to worry about.  There is fear about finances, pain, my career, getting everything we need, getting the nursery together, everything that can go wrong with the baby (even if there is only a .000001 percent it will happen), keeping our marriage healthy,  how I look ("do I look look like the Michelin man in this?"), not gaining too much weight, gaining enough weight, peeing in a cup every two weeks, getting enough calcium (iron, Vitamins A-Z, protein, folic acid, etc), taking your prenatals, exercising (but not letting your heart rate go over 140), sleeping on your left side so you don't cut off the blood supply to your baby, not getting into a bathtub that is too hot, not getting too hot, drinking enough water, WHATS THAT FEELING?!, and, of course, needing to restock the strawberries ASAP!  In addition to all of these little worries, is my fear of breaking the cycle and being a good, stable, and present mother to my son.  Pregnancy basically makes you a worry casserole.  I could blame it all on the hormones, but I'm not sure that would be entirely truthful.  Finding solace in your bowl of ice cream never seems to help either.  During this time I've found a lot of peace and strength in prayer. 

John 14:27 tells us that Jesus has left us with one of the greatest gifts possible, and that is of peace. In our fears, troubles, and worries, Christ has given us comfort that the world can never fully supply.  We can find reassurance in knowing that our peace comes from Him.  Joshua 1:9 tells us to not be afraid for the Lord is with us wherever we go.  Even when we are standing on the scale and we are "certain" that the nurse is looking at us in judgement, or when we can't sleep because our babies are kicking, our legs our tingly, and we're pretty sure we'll have to pee again soon, God is with us.   Perhaps one of the most comforting verses to me is 2 Corinthians 12:9.  Sometimes, when I'm feeling discouraged or overwhelmed I just repeat it to myself and find peace and reassurance.  This verse says, "my grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness."  In my many weaknesses, my mistakes, my hormonal reactions, my fears, my uncertainty, I can take comfort in knowing that God's grace is enough, because His power works best in my shortcomings.  What can be more encouraging than that?  I don't have to worry about being the "perfect" mom, because God's power is made perfect through my inabilities.  Doesn't that just bring tears to your eyes (or is that just the hormones again)?  These verses, along with prayer and love from my family and friends are some of the ways that I've been able to handle my many fears.  I'm not sure I could ever do this without my faith.   

How far along? 28 weeks

Total weight gain: 20 lbs
Maternity clothes? Still wearing loose fitting dresses (mostly from target).  Comfort indeed!
Stretch marks? Still none yet!
Sleep: Not great.  Using the bathroom 5 times a night and also having random wide awake  moments.
Miss Anything? Being able to be outside in the hot weather without feeling like a waddling puddle of sweat. 
Movement: Yep! He likes to move up into my ribcage and sit on my bladder.
Food cravings: Fruits, limeades

Anything making you queasy or sick: Acid reflux
 Gender: BOY!!
Labor Signs: Nope.
Symptoms: Charlie Horses at night, acid reflux, sensitive skin, shortness of breath

Belly Button in or out? In, but getting closer to the surface! If I lay a certain way it will pop a bit. 

 Wedding rings on or off? on

Happy or Moody most of the time:  Happy!! Some worry, as discussed previously :)

Looking forward to: Getting the nursery together.  My showers! Multiple vacations, Holding him