Wednesday, September 19, 2012

Pre-labor woes and Letting go of Control

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Almost 39 weeks! It’s hard to believe.   I used to picture what this time would be like and imagined myself a walloring mess of bloated misery.  I am somewhat like that, but not as bad as I originally pictured.  I’ve been in pre-labor for the past couple of weeks and have dilated to over 3 cm.  I’ve heard good and bad things about moving this slowly.  For one, you have less time in actual labor, because half of the work is already done, but you also spend a couple of weeks feeling fairly uncomfortable and miserable.  Maybe it’s TMI, but for the sake of preparing fellow preggies, it basically feels like a really long, really bad period.  Which is somewhat unfair because one of the bonuses of being pregnant is avoiding that for 9 months.  I’m not sure which I would prefer: A full day of laboring marathon, or the slow and steady prep work.  I’ll let you know after I start to feel the bad contractions.  I’ve been spending most of my time resting and nesting.  I still try to walk for 30 to 45 minutes a day.  I’ve found that it keeps some of the other pregnancy symptoms at bay like achy joints and back pain.  Plus it helps with energy levels so you can feel slightly better than “basically dead.”  Don’t get me wrong it’s a slow walk (waddle). 

A note on nesting: It’s freaking AWESOME!  If I could bottle that stuff up and sell it, I would.  It’s pretty amazing, really.  One minute you’re flat on the couch, drooling, and feeling like a crampy, beached manatee and the next you think “Must. Clean. Everything!!!!”  My house has never been so organized or clean.  Projects that have set on the shelf for months (cough, years) are finished and put away. And, I’m baking and crafting like a maniac (Lucky for John).  The only bad thing is it’s undependable.  It hasn’t been anything I can summon when I especially need it.  There have been many times I’ve wanted to get things done, but have been stuck in manatee mode.  This is when the bottled stuff would come in handy.    Pregnancy magic. 

I’m still trying to enjoy this time, but finding it more difficult.  I’ve been trying to redirect my impatience and anxiety to the peace and joy that comes with being in the moment.  This has not been easy for me.  I think it’s definitely true that comfort can be found with not being able to control our own situation.  There is power in the moments that bring us to saying, “God, I’m out of ideas!”  I believe that it’s during these times that we truly begin to rely on God, and in doing so, can see His presence in our lives.  For me, it’s been a struggle between letting go of the worry, the uncertainty, the pain, and the anticipation, and having complete faith in God’s plan. I struggle with this a lot.  I perpetually feel like Peter before stepping off of the boat and onto the water.  It’s so difficult to fully trust and to completely let go of the security that comes with control.  I love Jeremiah 29:11, which is such a promising verse in a difficult book: “For I know the plans I have for you,’ declares the Lord, ‘plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.” During my moments of anxiety, discomfort, and impatience I try to remember that God has a plan for John, Thomas, and I.  All I have to do is step off of the boat and on to that promise.

How far along? 39 weeks!

Total weight gain: 30 lbs (I can stop now!)

Maternity clothes? Still wearing comfy, cotton dresses.

Stretch marks? Still none!!  I may make it.
 
Sleep: Not great.  I love how everyone tells you to sleep now, before baby comes.  Easier said than done!

Miss Anything? Being able to climb out of the bed on the first attempt. 

Movement:
Things are getting tight, but he's still pretty active!

Food cravings:Everything, basically.  I could eat the world right now. 

Anything making you queasy or sick: Pregnancy is making me queasy.

Gender: BOY!!

Labor Signs: Crampsssss

Symptoms: There are too many.  Cramps, ligament pains, heat flashes, achy hips, nausea. I'll spare you the gory details. 

Belly Button in or out? It's finally popped!

Wedding rings on or off? on. Haven't had any swelling.

Happy or Moody most of the time:  More moody as of late. 

Looking forward to: Looking into my son's eyes for the first time. 

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